I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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