you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
