if you like me you must not know who I am
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
