I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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