Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
