An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pooping to opera.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
