Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm going to jail i love you
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
