the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
