Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
