He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
