well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
