I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
