Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
