I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
