Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
that is very illegal...i love you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
