I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
