Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
