guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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