I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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