You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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