i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
