It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Found the puke drawer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
