that's an acceptable place to lick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize