Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
