Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
