So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
