I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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