it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize