So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
