I will die if light touches me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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