I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
