Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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