Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
