I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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