I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
