it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
