last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
