I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
