Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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