Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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