There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
