also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize