Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
