I just cut my nipple shaving
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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