I can text with my tongue
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize