Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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