I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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