I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
