I smell stomach acid.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
