I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
