went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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