dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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