The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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