dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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