Will you blow on my dice?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
