I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
