Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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