I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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