before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
