so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
