Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
