Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize