how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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