Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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