I got chris browned last night
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
