I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
